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71.1 before I went to see my parents

71.1 when I came back

70.6 the day after which I find amazing because I spent whole sunday working at a cafe.. Luckily didn't have too much time to eat.

70.2 today (dunno how, just didn't feel hungry yesterday.. I need more days like that)

Today I went to the gym, but also ate tons of food so idk

Let's hope it won't be at 71 again, I wish I could see number six on my scale already

I'm quite stressed, no idea what to do with my life.

71.2 the day before yesterday

71.6 yesterday

70.9 today

Didn't have a scale for a few days but it seems like I'm kinda stuck around 71. At least I can see the reason why - I've binged more than once and some days I wasnt able to choose what I eat. I went to work for two days, it's physical and tiresome and no eating is not an opinion. Also, taking my own food with me isn't possible because of my financial state so I ate anything they provided me at work which was mostly gross but full of many calories yey. Then I was fed by my granny (great food but even more calories) and tomorrow I'm going to visit my family, no idea if I can manage there. 

So yesterday I ate muffins and an omelette for breakfast, salad (rice, tomato, ramson, soy sauce and sour cream) for lunch and later two muffins before going to gym. Yes - I actually went to the gym, got some vouchers from work and I should use those before I move out of this town. I've never been to gym that big before, the one near my home is big enough for like 5 people max and this one had 2 floors and a ton of equipment so I had fun!! I was quite embarrassed because it was full of fit people and I didn't really match the scene however as you can see I did lose some weight so it was worth going. I'm trying to be positive and lose a little more weight and then go again.

70.9 yesterday

70.6 today

sucks to be me

So, it's been a long time. 1,5 years or something. 

During that time, I gained a lot weight. I once even saw 76 (168) on the scale (holy shit), but luckily I've managed to get rid of a few kilograms. Basically, it's thanks to those hangover days when you want to eat but everything makes you puke. Talking about vomiting then I've almost gotten rid of this bad habit which is niceee, but sometimes it does happen. 

I started going to university. I chose to study civil engineering which was a mistake, MISTAKE. I haven't dropped out (yet), but I feel it's not my thing at all. I haven't had much time to worry about my cuz my studies require so much time and nerve. A lesson learned - there's no point to study civil engineering if you don't understand a shit about physics. And if you don't give a shit. My main problem is the fact my parents have been so supportive, although they moved to another country and they're quite far away. I have no idea how to tell them (now, while writing this I realized I should tell them asap, called my daddy and he was quite ok with this). Alright.. Also, my friends are very supportive, I've made peace with my loved ones. And maybe I'm getting along with myself a little better.

About food - my cash flow is well eh ok I don't really have much money so I buy whatever I find cheap.  I guess there are some vitamins I'm lacking. I'm not starving myself, hopefully I will not gain everything back in like a week or something. Let's see how it goes this time.

all over again

70.3

68.8

Yesterday ended up eating too much again, ate raisins, blackberries, ice cream and some sandwiches but I guess it wasn't too horrible because I did my workout and went walking later.

Today I've eaten -- omelette, chicken, raisins, some salad, little bit pineapple.

Also did my workout, I hope I can keep going.

I'm still alive

69,9

So once again, I am back at this number.

Last time it took me nearly two weeks to lose 5kgs, let's see how long will it take now..

Past two months I've been eating more than ever fucking before and my body looks disgusting. I can't face the mirror.

Right now I have a week off from school. Great. School sucks, grades are better than ever before but I can't cope without food there, some days I leave home before 7AM and get home after 10PM... I don't know how the fuck am I able to find so much time to eat??! What the fuck?! Oh and I think about food all the time. I think about lunch break and after the lunch break I think about getting home and sometimes just go to the store and buy some food and dear lord I wanna quit. I have to stop.

I feel betrayed by a few former friends, I am disappointed, it makes me want to prove them it's possible to step over my own shadow and go on with my life. I wish I had never gotten along with them, it would make everything much easier.

Today I've eaten

A cup of soup

Three apples 

Planning to work out later.